ARGH!!!!

Oh my God, this is it. The impact of what I'm about to do is finally settling in on me. What am I about to do? I'm about to get up at 4 am, leave at 6 am... to drive 7.5 hours to Mississippi. And what is in Mississippi? My long distance boyfriend of 4.5 years.... I'd like to see him as my husband to be though. What's making me so damn nervous, though, is the simple fact we've never actually been with each other. Yes, that's right... face to face, we're strangers.

But we've lived these past years of our lives together, talking regularly on the telephone, doing anything we could to make each other feel as apart of our lives as we really are. We haven't been able to make this leap for many reasons. A lot of it has to do with human nature. We got scared quite a few times. I'd have to say, I've never loved another man as much as I do him. He's owned my heart since day 1 and that has scared me every day since then. Then there are other things... but mainly, money issues. We're young, still tryin to make our living.

Now, we're in the position where it's "Do or Die". His living situation with his roomies isn't that great, and it was only supposed to be temporary. I have a weekend off... and we both believe it's time. But if it's time, why am I so nervous? Why am I shaking? Is it because I'm so freakin happy, or I'm scared shitless? I can tell you this, I'm totally lit up inside... and everyone sees it. The aniticipation is driving me up the wall, and making me that much more anxious. I'm so happy I finally get to hold him, make sure he's real... and not some thief angel that has totally hijacked my heart.

All I really know is that our lives are about to change in one of the most drastic ways. I can honestly say I've never known anyone who could have the ability to say, "Today, I'm meeting my husband."

I Love You Daddy!!!!!!!!!

Newness...

So, I tried to make a vow that I would keep up with this lil blogging thing. At the time I created it, I had quite a bit going through my mind. Worries about keeping my relationship with Luis, worried about my brother who had a motorcycle accident a little over 2 months ago. But now, things are just.... well, ALMOST, amazing.

In a little under a week, I'll be making an 8 or so hour journey to go get my love, Luis. It's a day that's been almost 5 years in the making. A lot of people never believed that we would make it this long. And at times, I'm sure neither one of us thought that we would as well. A long distance relationship is not for the weak at heart... and is DEFINITELY not for everyone. I would do it all over again with him, but not for anyone else. I'm not sure I could make it. I have learned, though, you don't have to be face to face with another to actually fall in love with them. In some ways, it can be a bit easier over the phone, or internet. But only for a little while. You get to be lonely. Your heart is full of love, but your arms are empty. It becomes discouraging. But now.... I'm going to get him, he's gonna be here. Things are gonna be rough, but it's gonna be SO much easier with him here. He's my calm, my zen. He can make everything go away, and reappear in the most beautiful light. Things are totally beginning to fall into place.

As for my brother, things are shaping up with him. In August, on his wife's 28th birthday, he was driving home from work on his motorcycle. The idiot wasn't wearing a helmet. A woman ran a stop sign, and going 50 mph, he tried to stop. His rear wheel locked up and he ended up hitting the woman's car, crushing his right leg. 3 surgeries later, including the discovery that he's allergic to morphine, he's doing great. He still has a halo over his entire leg, but he can walk with a cane. One of the first prognosis after the accident is that they may have to amputate. He's bought a guitar and is teaching himself how to play on his own. He can play the opening chords to Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends" and a Garth Brooks song. I never thought he'd be doing so well, and healing as quick as he has. I broke down when I found out he had an accident. Both of my uncles have had motorcycle accidents. One of them was landed into a full body cast for an entire summer from it. He's so lucky to be alive.... and I'm so lucky to still have him around. Since he's had the accident, every time he calls our house, he makes sure to ask to talk to me.... some of the times, he just calls for me. This is a far cry from how our relationship once was. We went through the "I Hate You" phase.... we barely talked for the longest time after he moved out. Now... he's the big brother he once was long ago. I owe some of that to his wife. She's calmed him down a lot.

Now... *sighs* I've rambled enough. I'm guilty of the rambling. I guess I'll share a couple of pics of me in my Halloween get up. I've only got the two good pics on here. I have a few more on my cell phone I'm tryin to find. I think my memory card ate them. Anywho, I was a vampire baby doll. I wore a black corset with white stars and some puffy capris that kind of look like bloomers with some flat baby doll looking slippers. But the biggest thing were my vampire fangs. One of my associates complimented my corset, and I opened my mouth to say "Thanks" and she almost fell over. Anyways.... here are the pics!!!

Blog Tag Game...

Ok, so I was tagged by my bestest in her blog to post the 6th picture in my 6th folder. So, here goes.

It's my 6th picture in my family folder, my prettiful momma when she was a lil younger than I, about 20 years old, when she was engaged to my dad.






















Sadly, I don't have anyone else to tag, but BAM!!! I did what I was supposed to do!!!!

Marching to my own beat... with everyone else......

So, I've decided to jump on the blogging bandwagon with the rest of the world. I've never been one to keep up with a diary, journal, or blog for any long amount of time. So... I guess I should introduce you to the popular players in my life...

First is Liz, my bestest... my sister. The missing link. She is amazing. She knows what's going on in my mind before it even happens. We were introduced by my ex, and after our breakup, Liz and I became "insperable". That is, despite the fact I live in Texas and she's in New York. On September 29th, Liz gave birth to an amazing baby girl, Olivia Gabrielle. She is absolutely perfect and magical.

<---- Liz, my beautiful mama



















<-- Olivia Gabrielle



Next is my amazing boyfriend of 4 years, Luis. We've had a lot of ups and downs, and we've broken up and made up more times than I can count. I've come to realize my life is just miserable without him in it. He's just so wonderful.... and I know he'll be mentioned in my next posts...















<-- Luis, he's rather gorgeous....


There are many other people who, I know, will end up in my blog. And, in due time, it'll all be explained. For now, it would be a little too long. Who knows, maybe I'll keep up with this for more than a month *shruggles and skips off*