ARGH!!!!

Oh my God, this is it. The impact of what I'm about to do is finally settling in on me. What am I about to do? I'm about to get up at 4 am, leave at 6 am... to drive 7.5 hours to Mississippi. And what is in Mississippi? My long distance boyfriend of 4.5 years.... I'd like to see him as my husband to be though. What's making me so damn nervous, though, is the simple fact we've never actually been with each other. Yes, that's right... face to face, we're strangers.

But we've lived these past years of our lives together, talking regularly on the telephone, doing anything we could to make each other feel as apart of our lives as we really are. We haven't been able to make this leap for many reasons. A lot of it has to do with human nature. We got scared quite a few times. I'd have to say, I've never loved another man as much as I do him. He's owned my heart since day 1 and that has scared me every day since then. Then there are other things... but mainly, money issues. We're young, still tryin to make our living.

Now, we're in the position where it's "Do or Die". His living situation with his roomies isn't that great, and it was only supposed to be temporary. I have a weekend off... and we both believe it's time. But if it's time, why am I so nervous? Why am I shaking? Is it because I'm so freakin happy, or I'm scared shitless? I can tell you this, I'm totally lit up inside... and everyone sees it. The aniticipation is driving me up the wall, and making me that much more anxious. I'm so happy I finally get to hold him, make sure he's real... and not some thief angel that has totally hijacked my heart.

All I really know is that our lives are about to change in one of the most drastic ways. I can honestly say I've never known anyone who could have the ability to say, "Today, I'm meeting my husband."

I Love You Daddy!!!!!!!!!